It’s been a while since I’ve written a very personal post and the reason for that is the fact that I’ve just had so many emotions coursing through my veins (for a while now) that it’s been a bit hard to me to decipher what’s what. I now find myself brimming with them and so instead of writing in a diary/journal, I write to you…because if what I have to say resonates with even one of you, it will be worth the vulnerability.
I’m going to start off by saying. I’ve been through a lot of hurt this year. When I look back to when I started making some real changes on LSS (less beauty, more real talk), I realize now that what I’ve been creating is a product of that hurt. I’ve gotten so tired of superficial beauty, of telling people what looks good/how to look good and just leaving things surface instead of talking about how I’m really feeling and what’s going on in my life. I’ve found so much more worth in being vulnerable and having meaningful conversations, which is (to me) much more valuable than the current VIB sale at Sephora (and I am by no means bashing those who do write about these things).
Out of respect for those involved, I’m going to avoid talking about any details of what’s happened this year, but maybe one day much further from now I will feel more comfortable about opening up to so many people. I will say that through it all I am learning quite a bit about myself, who I am and what I want in life, but also coming to realize that it’s okay to not have my whole life planned out in front of me…you’re probably thinking, duh Brittany, but a huge part of my personality is very much a planner so it’s taken me quite a while to accept.
I guess the most important thing I’ve been learning is to be one hundred percent, unapologetically myself…and it’s funny because those are the people that I find that I’m the most attracted to also. I don’t think you should ever have to diminish who you are as a person to make others feel more comfortable. The key is finding the right people who celebrate your unique qualities. Through this season, though I have definitely lost a few I’ve held dear, I have also welcomed some pretty amazing people into my life…people that don’t make me feel insecure about who I am but who encourage me to live life on my own terms and take time to be selfish and just enjoy living. I’m just going to say this right now, if you’re reading this and you are one of those people (I’m sure you know who you are), thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart.
I cannot tell you how refreshing this is, to realize that I still have so much life to live and that I have the power to live it however I choose. I’m not going to say that this year has been easy, on the contrary it’s been very hard, but I’m trying my best to focus on now and spend less time hoping for the future. Don’t get me wrong, I have so many dreams, but I refuse to let my days pass just holding out for what could be. Your happiness depends entirely on you…note to self.
I am a weird, sensitive, overly passionate person and instead of feeling insecure about my traits and whether or not they’re too much for people to handle I’m going to choose to celebrate them. I’ve exhausted myself trying to fit into the mold of who others think I should be. It’s time to embrace it, don’t you think?