Life Lately

I feel like I’ve been going through a little bit of an existential crisis lately regarding who I am now and who I want to be…furthermore, what steps am I taking to get to where I want to be?

I’ve recently caught myself in a bit of a rut – physically, emotionally, mentally…all of the ally’s really. I find that when you are in a happy relationship it’s very easy to become complacent (oh how much more I’d get done when I was alone and depressed)! This morning was the first in a long time where I actually did anything to better myself. I woke up early, worked out, had a shower (usually it takes me a while to get there), and quietly read a chapter of my book while taking time to enjoy a cup of coffee. Heck yesterday I even picked up my guitar for the first time in YEARS (I’ve got the blisters to prove it)!

I don’t what’s changed in me, all I know is that I want to be the kind of person that doesn’t just sit around watching Netflix for the rest of her life (guilty).

I recently read something that so perfectly suits my feelings right now…

“You still have a lot of time to make yourself be what you want” – S. E. Hinton

What an idea! To think we hold the power to change our own paths whenever we want! Groundbreaking, I know.

So what do I want to be? I think ultimately I want to be an artist. I want to further explore acting and snap up whatever opportunities come my way. I want to learn how to play my guitar again, learn how to dance (well) again, of course continue to model as well as working on my own photography skills. No matter how many times I’ve changed my path, the one thing that’s stayed a constant is the fact that as long as I am creating something beautiful, I am happy.

While we all have our own responsibilities, whether it be a day job, pets, children etc. nothing should get in the way of your true calling. What I’ve come to realize more than ever is that in order to pursue your life’s passions you are going to have to make a conscious effort to chase after them. They will not fall in your lap. They will take time. They will cost money. They will require sacrifice. Things don’t come as easy as when we were teenagers. Hopefully we all be better for it!

xx -b.

photos by emily michelson

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